


I Can't

by Idzzdi



Series: I.. [3]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Anniversary, Awkward Sexual Situations, Awkwardness, Fights, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Sequel, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-27
Updated: 2013-03-27
Packaged: 2017-12-06 15:18:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/737141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idzzdi/pseuds/Idzzdi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to ‘I Figured’ & ‘I Know’ - It’s their six months anniversary and while Louis is jet-setting the world for his job Harry worries about what to get him as a gift. And all the things his friends suggest are ridiculous, like a dick in a box..</p><p>>>> I just realized the description sounds like really crappy porn. So yeah, it's not, there's a story behind it all. Just read it, it's amazing. Gracias. xx</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Can't

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know people just keep saying they feel like the story isn’t done yet so I keep writing, so yeah..

“I can’t!“ Harry complained rolling over until he was laying on his stomach.

“Can’t what?” Liam asked as he crawled onto the bed next to Harry, lying down with him and trying to catch a look at Harry’s face.

“I can’t think of anything to get Louis for our six months anniversary.” The younger boy breathed out in frustration, burying his face in the pillows. “He’s gonna get me something exciting and amazing, something that cost a fortune.” He muttered, his voice muffled by the pillows because he still refused to move his head. “And I can’t.”

“I don’t think Louis expects anything like that from you.” Liam said, his gaze fixed on the ceiling. He had had this conversation with Harry at least a dozen times already, but somehow the message didn’t really sink in with the younger boy. And Liam preached patience so he tried to stay calm as he told Harry the same thing over and over again. “He’s just happy to have you and he doesn’t need a gift to prove that.”

“But he’s gonna get me something!” Harry turned his head a tiny bit to the side so he could speak properly and glare at Liam for good measure. “And don’t you try and tell me that if Zayn got you something really expensive you’d be fine with giving your presence as the only thing in return.”

Liam stayed quiet for a moment, because well Harry was right. But then again..

“But my boyfriend also is no international pop star who has money just coming out of his ears. So what if Louis gets you a car or something, it’s probably the same as if Zayn took me out for dinner.” Liam shrugged, shifting in bed to lean against the headboard. Harry’s head poked up at him and his eyes grew wide.

“You think he’s going to get me a car?” He asked, looking paler than ever though that went unnoticed by Liam.

“Maybe. He probably could.” He said with another shrug. Harry bit his lip, flopping back down onto the bed again. He felt strange, almost like crying though he couldn’t really tell why. If his pop star boyfriend decided to buy him a car this shouldn’t be devastating. This should be exciting and Harry should be grateful. But Harry wasn’t like everybody else and thus he was close to a mental breakdown when Liam kept blabbering, talking about cars and houses and anything else that was fucking expensive and popped into his mind.

The ringing sound of Harry’s phone was what shut Liam up eventually. Harry didn’t even realize it at first, but when Liam was throwing the phone at him, telling him that it was his “way too rich boyfriend” his head snatched up and he answered the call.

“Hmm?” He hummed, his face only half hidden in the pillows now.

“Hey babe!” He heard Louis’ voice chip happily on the other end of the line. “How are you doing?”

“Okay.” Harry said, trying not too concerned. “Kinda tired.”

“Oh did I wake you? I’m sorry I’m really shit with the different time zones.”

“No, babe no. It’s alright. It’s like barely five, so don’t worry about it. How was you day? Where are you at again?” Harry felt kind of bad for never really keeping up with where Louis went. When they had first started dating he wanted to know exactly where Louis went every day; it all just seemed so exciting, the different countries, the different languages. But soon enough the countries were the same over and over again and Harry had given up on trying to distinguish between countless little Asian countries all together.

“Singapore.” Louis replied, sounding bored. “You’d like it here. Maybe we should go sometime.” And okay, maybe Harry had given up on distinguishing the Asian countries but he still knew that Singapore was ways away and that it would cost him half his college fund to go. Which led his mind back to the general topic of expensive gifts and their upcoming anniversary.

“Please don’t get me a car for our anniversary.” Harry blurted out a moment later and both Liam and Louis started laughing right away. Since Liam was the only one in reach Harry shoved him to the side lightly and pressed a pillow on his face to shut him up. Through the muffled sounds of Liam’s laughter Harry heard Louis trying to contain more giggles as he took deep breaths.

“Bummer! Looks like I’m gonna have to return that brand new Porsche then.” Louis said lightly and Harry paled even more, feeling like he was abut to faint any minute. His silence must have alarmed Louis, because he spoke up only a moment later. “I’m joking! Jesus, Haz. Calm down. If you don’t want a car then you won’t get a car.”

Harry took a deep breath, trying to ignore the fact that the way Louis had said that sounded like he had seriously considered getting Harry a car. Or even worse a Porsche. So Harry decided this was a good moment to let Louis know about all the other things he didn’t want.

“I don’t want a house either.”

“No houses, okay.” Louis replied and he sounded genuinely amused.

“No boats.”

“No boats?” Louis laughed. “Ah Harry, this is why I love you. I promise I won’t get you a car or a house or a boat.” Harry couldn’t help but smile contently as Liam looked up at him curiously. “Seriously is this what you worry about all day while I’m gone? I think I really need to spend some more time at home.”

“Yeah, you do.” Harry said quietly and all the sudden the conversation had taken a whole new turn. The carefree and light mood had changed to be emotional and heartfelt now and Harry knew that this meant their conversation was soon to be over. Because Louis didn’t like it, he said he wasn’t good at it; the whole emotions thing. Harry remembered how hard it had been in the beginning, not being able to talk about how he felt when Louis was gone, not getting a response from Louis other than an oddly stifled sound of agreement before he hung up. But he had gotten used to it, because that was just how Louis worked.

“Listen, I gotta go.” Louis said on cue after a short moment of silence.

“I know.” Harry replied and in a way he hoped that the words conveyed the hurt he was feeling. Or maybe that they didn’t, because he didn’t mean to bother Louis with his childlike behavior. After all Harry was two years younger than him and it started to really show.

When he heard the quiet ‘click’ in the line that indicated that Louis had hung up on him he let out an exhausted sigh and let then phone drop onto the bed next to him. Liam flopped down only a moment later, his head resting next to Harry’s and a huge grin plastered across his lips.

“You’re so adorable.” He said with a laugh, nudging Harry’s shoulder lightly. “When you’re all awkward like this I get why Louis is so into you.”

“Stop.” Harry groaned, hiding the blush that crept onto his cheeks in the pillows below his face. But Liam didn’t stopped and only chuckled more as he kept blabbering, nudging Harry ever once in a while only because he could and he knew how fucking annoying it was.

They laid like that for a while slowing drifting from teasing shoves into a normal conversation. It wasn’t much later that the bedroom’s door flew open and Zayn came waltzing in, sighing dramatically as he flopped down onto the bed with the two boys. He laid half on top of them and turned his head awkwardly to kiss Liam.

“Ugh, go away.” Harry mumbled, trying to push Zayn off though it didn’t work. The older boy only slipped down in between Harry and Liam, wiggling his hips to make more room. The other two only groaned, scooting to the sides a little reluctantly.

“So,” Zayn began after he had found himself a comfortable position, his ankle tangled around Liam’s. “What have you two been up to?”

“Nothing much.” Liam said with a shrug.

“Discussing your and Liam’s sexlife.” Harry tried, but his comment went mostly ignored by the other two.

“Talking about sexlife..” Zayn said with a smirk. “Where’s Louis?”

After Harry and Louis had officially started dating it didn’t take Liam and Zayn very long to force their way into meeting Louis, one way or another. Harry had expected the worse, preparing Louis for any possible scenario. But as it turned out the three of them actually got along very well and with Liam’s cousin Niall thrown into the mix every now and then the five had become quite close friends and hung out together a lot.

“Singapore.” Harry answered as he propped himself up on one elbow to get a better look at two boys laying in bed with him.

“Ah, shame.” Zayn said with a sigh. “I was gonna ask him to go to the movie with me tonight. Watch that horror movie with me.. Anyways, when’s he coming back?”

“Friday.”

“It’s their anniversary.” Liam informed his boyfriend who raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“It’s been a year already?”

“Six months.”

“Oh.” Zayn hummed and nodded understandingly as he squirmed a little, trying to change his position. “What-ugh” He flopped onto his stomach his face hitting the pillows. “What are you getting him?”

“Wrong topic.” Liam stage whispered as Harry let his own head crush into the pillows as well, trying to drown his thoughts with a loud groan.

“What?” Zayn asked in confusion, nudging Harry’s shoulder with his elbow carefully. Harry muttered some incoherent and barely understandable words into the pillow, but Liam translated for him and told his boyfriend what the problem was.

“Well cook him dinner or something.” Zayn suggested. “Didn’t you say he was shit at cooking? I bet he’d really like that.”

“No.” Harry whined into his pillow, hiding his face even more so that only his curls were poking out. Liam tugged on them lightly, half trying to get him to look up, half only meaning it as a comforting gesture.

“Or!” Zayn said with excitement and a certain promise in his voice. “You know what else always works?” Harry turned his head at that, looking at Zayn through narrow eyes. “The good old classic.. dick in a box.”

Harry dropped his head again and heard the slapping sound of what could only be Liam’s hand on the back of Zayn’s head, followed by a loud yelp coming from the older boy.

“What?” Zayn asked, sounding a little offended. “Worked for you.” It was obvious that this statement had been directed at Liam and Harry didn’t even need to look up to know that the color Liam’s face was probably somewhat close to the one of a tomato. Trying to erase the mental image of Zayn’s little Zayn in a box, wrapped nicely for Liam for their anniversary Harry rolled onto his side again.

“Yeah, I don’t think I’m gonna go for that.” He said, waving his hand dismissively at Zayn.

“Your loss.” The older replied with a shrug.

The three laid in silence for a while and Harry tried to ignore Zayn’s hand on Liam’s thigh that was itching upwards as time went by. He stared at the ceiling instead, getting more and more frustrated over that stupid gift. He only had a couple of days left and even though he hadn’t seen Louis for over a week now he couldn’t really look forward to his return. Because his return meant that their anniversary was there and well.. Harry had no gift.

“I’m just not gonna get him anything.” He stated after a while, frustration and exhaustion taking over his brain. “It’s not even been six months. I mean.. taking away all the times he spent out of the country for shows or interviews or whatever it was like.. two months maybe?”

Liam snorted and Harry suspected that he was rolling his eyes even though he couldn’t see.

“That doesn’t count. First of all you’re exaggerating. And even if he was gone for so long, it still doesn’t count. It’s not like you broke up with him for the time that he was gone.”

“Liam, leave me alone.”

“But it’s logic, Harry!”

“I know. That why you should leave me alone!”

~

That night Harry dreamed of a dick in a box. And what scared him the most about that was that it wasn’t a nightmare.

Logically Harry wasn’t scared of dicks as such, but somehow Zayn kept appearing in the dream as well, and Louis did too, and it’s just confusing. He was sweating when he woke up and he didn’t dare to move, because he thought he was a little hard too.

But Harry couldn’t go back to sleep, because he was way too scared to dream about certain things in boxes again and so he just laid awake, waiting for the time to pass. In order to get back at Zayn he grabbed his phone and shot him a text, letting him know that he had just dreamed of his wazoo. He didn’t get a reply, but than again it was 3:24 at night.

He got uncomfortable lying on his side and flipped over, forgetting about his little problem down there and shamefully realized that yes, dreaming of items in boxes had made him hard. Great.

He considered a quick trip to the bathroom to take care of his little problem, but decided against it and only laid in silence, trying to forget about it. But the pictures of recent sexual interactions between him and Louis flashed in front of his eyes and made it kind of hard (get it?) to forget about it all together.

With Louis gone as much there really was a certain sexual tension building up in each of the boys, as well as between the two. They had talked about it and it hadn’t surprised Harry when Louis told him that he had had sex before and that he was experienced in that area. And in return Harry doubted that it had surprised Louis when Harry told him that he had no experience about anything whatsoever.

They had taken it one step at a time and Harry liked how careful Louis was, checking each and every step with him, asking if the way he touched Harry was fine or if the way he bit down onto his skin hurt too much. Harry couldn’t have asked for a better person to show him intimacy. With Louis it was fun and not as awkward as Harry had expected things to be, so he did his own good deal to make things uncomfortable. He didn’t mean to of course, but it really didn’t help that he almost fainted the first time Louis wrapped his fingers delicately around Harry’s length.

The memory was the most embarrassing thing the dark haired boy could think of and kind of helped to calm his member as he laid still in the pitch black darkness of his bedroom. His mind wandered off to his bedside table which he had stacked with condoms and lube only a week after Louis and him had started dating. The lube hadn’t been needed until they were three months into their relationship and the condoms were untouched up until this day. They had done handjobs, blowjobs, all other sorts of jobs Harry could think of and even some fingering. But secretly he hoped that the condoms would be put to use sometime soon as well.

And that was when his mind wandered back to Zayn’s suggestions and maybe the dick in the box wasn’t such a horrible idea after all.

~

Harry was relieved that he finally had a gift to give to Louis, something that was special and definitely unique even without bankrupting Harry for the next two months. The only thing he needed to invest money into were two tickets to the movie theater to get his mom out of the house for the night and to stay at a friends afterwards, the ingredients for dinner, candles, rose petales and all that kind of stuff, because yeah.. he was a hopeless romantic.

So his mom had left, but not without winking at him knowingly as she pulled her coat on and Harry blushed brightly as he kissed her goodbye.

As soon as she was gone he had started preparing the food, chopping onions and bell peppers as he hummed along to the sound of his boyfriend’s singing coming from the radio. The work calmed him and he felt almost relaxed as he layered the ingredients into a casserole bowl, pushing it into the oven and setting a timer on fifty minutes.

He then skipped out of the kitchen, pushing upstairs into his room where he had laid out an outfit for himself to wear and all the little decorations he had gotten. Just as he pulled his grease stained shirt over his head he received a text from Louis, letting him know that his flight had landed on time and that he was on his way now. Harry smiled because yes, this was good. The casserole only took so long to make and the longer it was in the oven the gooier it became.

But the fact that Louis would arrive on time only calmed his growing nerves a tad bit. He wasn’t exactly shaking as he pulled on fresh black boxers and then his pants next, but he wasn’t calm either. And with the nervousness laced through his fingers it was kind of hard setting up the candles properly and scattering the rose petales evenly. But in the end it all turned out okay and Harry was pretty sure that Louis would like it as well. Would like it and would hopefully get where Harry was going with this, because if he either had to say his wish out loud or even be the one to make the first move he would have quite the problem.

~

Louis sat in the cab, his foot nervously tapping against the ground as they rode further and further away from the airport and closer and closer towards Harry’s house. He was excited, almost ecstatic to see his boyfriend again. Not only had he not seen him in almost two weeks, but it was also their anniversary and Louis was fucking excited. The best thing was though that Harry had ordered him to come to his house after he arrived and had said that he couldn’t come pick him up himself. Which that indicated to Louis that Harry had probably cooked and there was nothing in the world that Louis loved more than when Harry cooked for him. Because when Harry cooked it tasted like home and once he had had Louis try some of his cooking Louis had made sure that ever since his boyfriend had cooked for him at least once a week. After all, in return he gave pretty good head and that arrangement worked quite well for the both of them.

So looking forward to some Harry-made food (and maybe also giving head later on) Louis was virtually bouncing up and down in the backseat of the cab, drawing odd glances towards himself. The driver stayed quiet though, keeping his focus on the weird foreign station playing on the radio as he pulled into the street Harry lived on.

Louis almost threw the money at the cab driver, telling him to keep the change and jumped out quickly making his way through the little front yard before he rang the door bell, bouncing up an down in anticipation again.

The door swung open only moments later and Louis couldn’t help but squeal as his eyes fell on his boyfriend standing across from him. He gave him a quick once over and tried to recall if Harry had always looked just this good. The white t-shirt hung low on his chest and exposed his collarbones and tattoos as well as some very faintly recognizable love bites Louis had left there before he had left. The skinny jeans Harry wore were tight and left little to image which kind of made Louis want to ask Harry to turn around for him so he could just stare at the perfection of his bum.

But Louis was too slow and before he could so much as open his mouth to speak he had a mob of curls and octopus arms wrapped around him, holding him tight and squeezing the air out of his lungs.

“Oh god, babe.” He laughed and took a deep breath, adoring the heavy feeling of his chest raising against Harry’s.

“I missed you.” The younger boy admitted as he let go of Louis just a tiny bit which made it easier for him to breath and to get a look at the boy’s face. Louis smiled at him, brushing his hand over his curls and cupping his chin to press a kiss onto his lips. Harry tilted his head into the kiss, opening his mouth right away and letting his tongue dance around Louis’ as he licked his way into his mouth. It was nice, it was familiar and just then Louis realized just how much he had missed this.

“Nothing in Singapore was even just half as great as this.” He breathed against Harry’s lips as they pulled apart to catch their breaths. Harry’s smile was incredibly wide and fond and Louis couldn’t think of anything better to do than to kiss those delicious lips in front of him all night long. That was, until Harry came up with an at least equally as good idea.

“I hope your hungry.” Was all he said, but Louis knew exactly what that meant and so he let Harry pull him into the kitchen to show him the deliciousness he had created for him.

“Happy six months anniversary.” Harry said as he grabbed the front of Louis’ jacket and pulled him in for another sweet and gentle kiss.

“Six months and a day.” Louis corrected with a smile, because yeah technically they were a day late, but Louis couldn’t arrange to get back sooner.

“Okay fine. Happy six months and a day anniversary.” And with those words he let go of Louis’ jacket but only to lean up for one last chaste kiss before he started loading their plates with food and led Louis into the dining room.

~

“You really know how to spoil your boyfriend.” Louis said as Harry had taken their plates away and came back into the dining room with desert in his hands. “I’m gonna have to go for a hundred miles run tomorrow to lose all the weight I just gained again.” He said sweetly as he eyed the incredible combination of fruits and chocolate that Harry had artfully draped onto the plate. Louis really didn’t want to but he already knew he was going to finish it no matter what.

“Maybe not.” Harry said as he scooted a little closer with his chair, eying Louis from underneath his lashes. “I was thinking.. maybe we could, you know, be active later on?”

Harry meant to be seductive Louis knew that and he tried really hard, but he couldn’t contain his laughter as Harry added a really silly bat of his eyelashes for good measure. Only he could manage to even make seduction awkward.

“I’m sorry, babe.” Louis said right away, biting the inside on his cheeks as he saw the hurt look in Harry’s eyes. “We can be as active as you like. Maybe even more so if you phrase it a little differently.”

Harry shot him a look Louis knew too well. “You know I’m bad at this.”

“You never fail to let me know, darling.”

Harry looked hurt again and Louis scooted closer towards him, offering him the strawberry from his fork before he pressed a careful kiss on the tip of his nose.

“I love you and I love had you’re a little awkward and never know what to do and how you think you’re bad at this. Because you’re not all that bad really.” Louis edged even closer, his voice lower than before. “Good enough at least to get me hard when I think about you late at night when I’m gone. And good enough to get me hard right now.” He added, his voice nothing more than a seductive whisper and he loved to watch Harry’s eyes widen with surprise. He let his fingers trail down Harry’s neck and then rest in his bicep as they starred at each other.

“Bedroom.” Harry chocked out after a moment and got up, grabbing Louis’ hand to drag him upstairs with him, their desert long forgotten. His boyfriend’s determination surprised Louis but he went with it anyways, wondering what else the tall curly haired lad had in store for him.

And when he entered his bedroom which usually was very teenager boyish and messy, Louis was definitely surprised to find it in the state it was now. Rose petales covered the bed and the light smell of lavender in the air indicated that the candles had been burning for quite some time.

“This- Did you-?” Louis wondered out loud as he let Harry drag him into the room.

“Yeah I- Had something like this in mind.” He admitted with a sheepish yet smug grin as he closed the door and walked back over to Louis. All Louis could do was grin back and lean up to connect their lips again and open his mouth to tangle their tongues together passionately.

They kissed leisurely for a while and Louis pushed himself up on his tiptoes to wrap his arms around Harry’s neck and hold him tight. Harry moaned in response, adjusting his own arms that were securely wrapped around Louis’ waist. Slowly leaning forwards Louis managed to push Harry back a bit until they reached the bed. The backside of the younger boy’s knees hit the bed but it was obvious that he didn’t really know what to do.

“On the bed.” Louis instructed and Harry let himself fall backwards, still holding onto Louis waist and Louis fell on top of him, their chest crashing together rather forcefully and some rose petales dropping onto Harry’s chest. Harry groaned and Louis laughed trying to push his boyfriend a little further up the mattress without making things even more awkward then they already were.

Harry had reached up and taken a hold of Louis’ neck to pull him down for another kiss. Their lips were moving more hungrily then before now and Louis didn’t know if this was his place to do it or not, but he couldn’t help himself from grinding down onto Harry’s groin. The sound that escaped the younger boy’s lips was pure porn to Louis’ ears and he groaned in response before he ground down onto the boy again.

“T-Shirt.” Louis muttered as he tugged on the material that was covering Harry’s chest to drag it up a bit. Harry knew this from previous make out sessions and so Louis only smiled when the younger boy propped himself up a bit to oblige and brush a few rose petales out of his hair. Louis ran his fingers up and down Harry’s torso, marveling at the feeling on his fingers dipping into the curves of the muscles on Harry’s stomach.

Louis’ head dipped down for another kiss and they made out for a while, Louis pulling his shirt off somewhere in the process as well as his own pants and Harry’s. So they were both left in only their boxers and Louis kind of wondered where to take it from here. They had been there before, blown or wanked each other off. But Louis had wanted to take things further for a long time now – though he would obviously never pressure Harry – but something in Harry’s behavior today led him to believe that maybe this was what the younger boy wanted as well.

And so Louis stopped sucking on the skin of Harry’s neck like he had before, raising his head a little to be on eye level with his boyfriend.

“What you wanna do, baby?” He asked, licking his lips absentmindedly as he watched Harry pant and squirm underneath him. As the question sunk into him Harry blushed, trying to hide his face behind his arms, but Louis grabbed a hold of them, holding them down to each side of Harry’s body as he scooted up a little until he was straddling his waist.

“Do you want me to blow you?” He asked seductively as he bent down, his mouth kissing along the shell of Harry’s ear. “Swallow all of you?” He bit down a bit and heard Harry whimper, knowing it was definitely not from pain. “Or do you want my fingers? Around your dick? Up your arse?” Louis definitely heard Harry chock on that one. “Do you want my dick? Slick it up and shove it right in? Make you bounce on it until you fall apart, looking so good around my cock?” He kissed his way back along Harry’s jaw until he met his lips biting down on them seductively. “Whatever you want babe. Just tell me..”

Louis let the words linger in the air as he looked down at his boyfriend. He was well aware of the bright red blush on Harry’s cheek tough he was pretty sure that part of it was arousal. But he knew that talking dirty would definitely embarrass Harry and that kind of was the whole point of it. That and wanting to know how far he could go tonight.

“Come on, sweety.” He encourage as Harry still hadn’t said anything, mouthing down his neck and across his collar bones.

“I.. I..” Harry tried and Louis had to hide his grin in the crook of Harry’s neck as he let his lips wander up the boy’s skin again. Louis was well aware that his current actions probably didn’t make the formation of a coherent sentence much easier, but really where would be the fun if it was?

“Hmm?”

“I erm.. Dick, err, sounds good.”

Louis snickered against Harry jaw, biting down lightly before licking the skin.

“So you’re one of those guys.” He couldn’t help but tease, though the importance of the statement wasn’t lost on him. Dick. Dick meant sex and that was kind of a huge deal to Harry so Louis couldn’t help but feel warm and fuzzy on the inside with the trust the younger boy apparently had in him.

“I love you.” Louis muttered to make up for the last teasing statement as he crawled back a bit, in between Harry’s thighs. He let soft kisses trail down the younger boy’s never ending torso and let his hands trail behind, caressing the soft skin as he went. His lips stopped just above the waistline of Harry’s boxers and he kissed along the line for a bit, glancing up as he felt Harry shift to the side.

Harry had leaned to his right, fumbling in his bedside drawer and pulling out the lube they had been using before as well as a box of condoms and dropped them onto the bed next to him. Louis smiled a bit and lowered his mouth to place a kiss on the bulge in Harry’s boxers in order to grab the boy’s full attention again. His plan sure worked and Harry’s head almost snapped off when he turned to look down at Louis who was ever so lightly biting down onto him with his lips now.

Harry squirmed under Louis’ lips and so he pressed his hands onto his boyfriend’s hips to hold him in place as he removed his lips to drag Harry’s boxers down. Slowly, slowly. Slow enough to provoke a whining sound from the younger boy that almost made Louis come right on the spot.

He glanced up and saw Harry biting his lip, trying to muffle the sounds that threatened to escape his lips.

“Let me hear you.” Louis instructed after he had pulled Harry’s boxers down all the way and thrown them off the bed. “I want you to tell me what you like and what not.”

After he had said that he reached down again and wrapped a hand around Harry’s member that was standing hard against his stomach, the vein pulsing as Louis flicked his thumb over it. Harry winced and moaned at the same time and Louis grinned as he duck his head down.

Blowing Harry was fun, because it always seemed like the first time. Harry was always absolutely in awe, bucking his hips like he had not control over them and Louis got to hold him down because he had control over him.

This time Louis took it slower though, not wanting Harry to come just yet and also needing one hand to reach down and rub over Harry’s hole carefully. His fingers were slick with lube, but Louis could feel Harry tense as soon as he so much as stroked past the puckered hole.

“Relax baby.” He muttered, pulling off of him for a short moment. But Harry tensed more and so Louis decided it was best if he kept Harry distracted while he slowly worked the first finger inside of him. It worked quiet well and as Harry bucked up his hips once more Louis dared to curl his index finger inside of Harry and the younger boy let out a sound of surprise, suddenly falling back into the mattress with force. He slid out of Louis’ mouth but the older boy bent down again to lick fat stripes up his length as he carefully added a second and third finger, taking his time spreading Harry open.

“Does it hurt?” Louis asked as he leaned up to kiss his boyfriend’s lips, three of his fingers still working in and out of him slowly. Harry only nodded and Louis kissed him again, trying to sooth away the pain. The younger boy made a content noise and buried his face in the crook of Louis’ neck as he tried to relax around the fingers pushing into him.

They stayed in this position for a couple of minutes, Louis muttering soothing things to the boy that had his face still hidden in Louis’ neck biting down every now and then when Louis moved or crooked his fingers.

“Okay.” Harry panted after a while, letting his head sink back into the pillows and sending a weak smile up towards his boyfriend.

“You sure?” Louis asked though he was pretty much done with his patience and feared that even of Harry said no he had no other choice than to shove his length into the younger boy or else he would burst. Fortunately for him Harry nodded, his lips pressed into a tight line and so Louis scooted back down a bit to pull his fingers out and remove his boxers. Harry let out a quiet whining sound and so Louis glanced up at him with promised in his eyes as he rolled on a condom and slicked up his member.

“Okay.” He said he lined himself up with Harry’s hole and looked down at the boy in front of him, taking both his hands and never breaking the eye contact as he slowly pushed into him. The way Harry’s fingers squeezed around his and his eyes were shut tightly made Louis remember the first time he bottomed rather vividly and he bent down to press kisses along Harry’s collar bone to sooth the pain. “It’ll go away.” He muttered. “Relax, baby. Relax, it’ll make you feel good. I‘ll make you feel good.”

The sensation around his own hard-on burned a deep pit in his lower stomach, but he tried to ignore it the best he could until Harry had adjusted to the feeling. And so to distract himself as well as his boyfriend who still whimpered quietly from the pain, Louis stroked over Harry’s torso and sucked love bites lazily all over the exposed skin until several bright red spots were scattered all over the younger boy’s body.

“You can-” Harry started and Louis tilted his face up to look at him. The younger boy nodded meaningfully and Louis only grinned back, leaning up to steal one last kiss before the sat up a little to support himself on his own arms as he carefully rocked in and out of the boy beneath him. Harry made little sounds of discomfort with every little move Louis made and so Louis grabbed his hand, trying to send him an apologetic look rather than a blissful smirk.

“I don’t- Oh God!” Harry moaned out loudly after several minutes, his eyes squeezing shut again and he didn’t need to finish the sentence for Louis to know that he had just found the right spot. All discomfort disappeared from Harry’s face and was replaced by an expression of sheer wonder. Wonder and surprise and happiness and Louis was incredibly glad he got to experience that look at first hand.

“That’s right baby.” He encouraged as Harry started bucking his hips again, trying to keep up with the rhythm Louis had created. “You’re doing great. So good. So proud of you.” Louis leaned down to press leisure kisses along Harry’s jaw but just like earlier when the younger boy had still been in pain, Louis wasn’t quite sure if his boyfriend understood anything of what he said. Probably not., he thought, though this time it was okay. This time Harry was whimpering out sounds of pleasure and wonder, every time Louis hit his prostate again.

It wasn’t long after that that Louis felt Harry starting to lose the rhythm, whimpering louder than before and heard more moans break through his lips.

“It’s okay.” He ensured, holding the boy and biting down onto his shoulder. “Come baby. Come for me.” And with that he felt Harry growing tense in his arms, twitching a bit before he relaxed in Louis’ arms, panting out shallow breathes as come spurted over his stomach.

Louis held him tight through it, rocking into him and following shortly afterwards, his eyes pressed shut and his fingers curling into Harry’s back. He made a content sound that muffled the groans that had escaped his lips earlier as he collapsed on top of Harry’s chest, resting with his chin hidden in Harry’s neck as he caught his breath.

Eventually he rolled off, pulling out of Harry as tossing the condom off the bed, his fingers swirling through the come on both of their stomachs. He picked up some with his index and held it high in front of Harry’s lips for him to try. But the younger boy only pressed his lips together in a straight line, his eyes growing wide and Louis couldn’t help but laugh. He raised the finger to his own lips and made a show of licking the come off the tip before he let his face dart down to Harry’s stomach to collect the rest as well.

“You’re so weird.” Harry breathed out as Louis brought his head back up, settling in next to him.

“Look who’s talking.” Louis muttered back before turning his head to the side to glance at his boyfriend. “And besides, you didn’t seem too bothered with my weirdness just a moment ago.”

“Never said it bothered me in the first place.”

“Good.” Louis replied with a smile, leaning up to place a kiss on the tip of Harry’s nose. “Because I love you.” And with those words he scooted even closer towards Harry, let his arms and legs octopus around him and rested his head against his chest before he fell asleep.

~

There were only two things in life Harry was really scared of. Rejection and the feeling of being taken advantage of. So for his first time he hoped for somebody who wouldn’t push him away and who was there to cuddle him afterwards and sleep with him and be there when he woke up the next morning.

Louis had been everything Harry could ever have asked for. But on Saturday morning Louis was gone.

It wasn’t the first thing Harry realized when he woke up. The first thing he felt was the ache in his body and the pain in his- oh. Oh. And he remembered. A smile crept upon his lips as he did, recalling the view of Louis on top of him, completely spent but looking so content, so happy. His eyes still closed Harry rolled over, reaching out for the boy that had wrapped himself around Harry’s large body the night before willingly. But Harry’s hand fell into nothing so he forced himself to open his eyes a tiny bit to glance across the room. Everything looked the same it had last night, expect for Louis’ clothes. His clothes were gone and so was the bag he had dropped by the door upon entering the room.

Okay, no., Harry told himself as he sat up hastily, panic starting to creep into every part of his body. No, no, no. There had to be a perfectly good explanation. There had to be-

His hand fell onto a piece of paper that lay folded on Louis’ side of the bed. Harry almost threw up at the thought that it might be an farewell letter, letting him know that now that Louis had gotten what he wanted he was to never see him again. But Harry told himself to pull it together, to have a little more faith into his boyfriend. Who would spend half a year trying to get him into bed? But then again who would spend half a year with him anyways and- Okay, no. this needed to stop.

With shaking hands Harry grabbed the paper and unfolded it, reading through the words scribbled onto it quickly.

“Morning babe!

Sorry I had to leave, but I didn’t expect to stay the night and had work in the morning, so yeah. Please don’t have something really yummy for breakfast, because then I’m gonna regret having to leave even more.

I’ll text you later.

Love you, Lou xx”

Oh. Oh.

Harry didn’t know how to feel about this. He let his head sink back into the pillow, the little note dropping next to him onto the pillow as he gazed at the ceiling. Louis wasn’t leaving him, so that was an upside. But other than that..

Not one word about the night before. It was kind of devastating. Louis knew how big of a deal this was to Harry. He should have said something and honestly Harry was surprised he hadn’t. But then again he thought, maybe Louis had been in a rush this morning and kind of forgot. But how could he forget? He even said he didn’t expect to spend the night and- Okay, calm down.

Harry took a couple of deep breaths, calming his heart rate as well as his mind. He knew that he tended to overreact so he tried to calm himself enough to stop himself from doing that. But there was only so much he could do and he really didn’t mean to call Liam and he really didn’t want to tell him all about last night, but two minutes later he found himself with his phone pressed to his ear, listening to the steady beeping sound.

“Hello?” Liam muttered as he picked up the phone.

“Hi, Liam I-”

“Harry?”

“Yeah, listen I- I kind of need to talk to you and you need to tell me that I’m crazy, that I’m overreacting and that it’s going to be alright.”

~

It was late on Saturday evening when Louis pulled up in front of Harry’s house. He checked his phone again, but the younger boy still hadn’t replied to his messages and he wondered idly if maybe he had missed something his boyfriend had told him about leaving to go somewhere or..? Louis didn’t know, but there was light in the kitchen so he decided to simply give it it shot.

He jogged up the front steps and rang the door bell, stepping back a little bit while he waited. Only a moment later the door was pulled open and Harry’s mum stood in front if him.

“Oh, hello Louis.” She said, looking surprised.

“Hi Anne.” He greeted politely. “Is Harry at home?”

“I- Yeah I suppose he is. But he’s been in a strange mood all day so I don’t know-”

“It’ll only be a minute. I kind of haven’t given my anniversary gift to him yet so..” He said tilting his head to the side and Anne’s eyes grew wide and she nodded understandingly.

“Oh sure.” She said, stepping back and opening the door wider for Louis to walk past. “He’s upstairs in his room, go ahead.”

Louis smiled at her and said thanks, toeing off his shoes quickly before he walked up the stairs, his hand gripping the front of his jacket where he had the gift for Harry. In front of his boyfriend’s room Louis paused for a moment, taking a breath before he knocked.

“It’s open.” He heard Harry muttered through the door and pushed it open gently. Harry had his eyes fixed on the screen of his laptop and didn’t look up as Louis entered.

“Hey.” The older tried carefully and Harry’s head snatched up at the sound of his voice, slamming the laptop shut in one swift motion. Louis idly wondered what Harry might have been doing on the computer, but the surprised look on his boyfriend’s face had him distracted and he chuckled as he walked across the room towards the bed.

“Hi to you too.” He said with a smile as he bent down to catch Harry’s lips in a quick and gentle kiss.

“I didn’t know you were coming.”

“I texted you, you never replied..”

“Oh yeah.” Harry turned his head, probably looking for his phone. “Supposed my phone died. Sorry.”

“No big deal.” Louis said, waving it off. “I just came to give you this.” He said, reaching with his hand in the inside pocket of his jacket, pulling out a white envelope. “It’s your anniversary gift. I kind of.. forgot about it yesterday.” He said with a wink and a light blush crept upon Harry’s cheeks as he accepted the envelope and starred down at it.

“You shouldn’t have..” He started out, but Louis wasn’t having any of that.

“Oh shush. Open it already! I promise it’s no car, no house and no boat.” Harry grinned at him, rolling his eyes a little as he fiddled with the envelope to open it. Louis waited patiently as his fingers got caught a million times and it seemed to take forever before his boyfriend was glancing down at the two plane tickets in the torn envelope.

“Are these- Paris, really Lou? I can’t- I can’t accept that.”

“Yes, you can. I want to take you.”

“Louis, no that’s way to expensive and-”

“Shush! I didn’t turn down your gift, did I now? So be a good boyfriend and just accept it. It’s all booked already anyways.” And with that he leaned forwards, pressing his lips against Harry’s and he wasn’t sure, but it felt like the boy needed a little longer to respond than usually.

~

It was almost three weeks later, four hours until the flight to Paris and Harry was sitting in his room, watching as Liam packed for him. He had told Liam about the trip and after what Harry had told him earlier that Saturday morning he knew that the boy would need some help getting not only his stuff, but also his shit together.

“How come he can take you on a weekend trip to another country when he can’t even hold your hand in public?” Liam wanted to know as he stuffed Harry’s clothes into the suitcase on the floor.

“I have no idea.” Harry muttered back as he flopped backwards onto the bed. “He’s so weird lately.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t even know.”

“Are you sure you don’t mean that you‘re a little weird lately?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Liam shurgged, trying not to annoy his friend but he hadn’t been able not to notice how his friend had changed ever since their six months anniversary and every since.. yeah, sex. It happened.

“Do you think I’ve change too much?” Harry wanted to know, panic swinging in his voice. He knew exactly what Liam was talking about, he wasn’t exactly great at hiding it, but then again he wasn’t really trying either. “Am I like.. way different?” Liam didn’t say anything. “I knew it. I shouldn’t have done it. It was always kind of what defined me. Harry, the virgin. What am I now? Harry, the slut. Great.”

“You’re not a slut.”

“I am, I’m such a horrible person. My mum raised me better than tha-”

“Harry!” Liam yelled, throwing a pair of socks at him. “Calm the fuck down. What is wrong with you? Ever since you slept with Louis you act like the world is coming to an end!” He had raised his voice, but fuck it, Harry’s mum probably already knew about Louis’ and Harry’s sexual activities.

“Because it is!” Harry yelled back, raising his hands above his head. “Everything’s just shit ever since- I shouldn’t have- Zayn’s stupid idea! I knew that Louis wasn’t gonna-”

Liam was lost in the younger boy’s rambling and the fact that he himself didn’t seem to know what he wanted to say made the task of trying to understand and help him even harder.

“Harry, what the fuck is your problem?”

“Louis, I-! He just-” Harry looked seriously troubled, his eyes wide in panic and somehow Liam was convinced by now that the two of them going on a weekend trip wasn’t the best idea any more. “He never once said- Because he can’t talk-”

“Harry!” Liam was in front of him now, taking his wrists in his hands and shaking them to grab the boy’s attention. “Breath. Think. Then talk.”

“Louis, he..” The younger boy sounded exhausted now, close to tears almost. “He just never.. he never says..” A silent sob escaped the boy’s lips.

“What does he never say, Haz?”

“He just.. he doesn’t talk about his feelings. He’ll say ‘I love you’ but he won’t talk to me. He doesn’t know how much I miss him when he’s gone and he doesn’t know how I felt about our first time or about the gift he gave to me or about anything. And the worst of all if that I don’t know how he feels about any of these things. He could be breaking up with me tomorrow and I never saw it coming. He could be proposing in Paris and it’d be the same. I feel like I don’t know anything about him anymore, he just-”

Liam opened his arms and let his friend slump against his chest, wrapping him into a tight hug. He rocked them back and forth, muttering comforting nonsense as he stroked over Harry’s back, trying to stop the boy from sobbing.

“Breathe.” He whispered and felt the boy’s breath hitch against the skin of his neck and the quick motion of his chest against his own. “It’s okay.”

~

Louis was sitting at the airport, his legs crossed, his back aching from the horribly uncomfortable airport chairs. There were more then two hours left until their flight to Paris, but he and Harry had agreed to meet at the main entrance ten minutes ago and he hadn’t been there. Louis had texted him and then had gone to find a seat, but his boyfriend was still nowhere to be seen even though he could watch the entrance from his seat.

The hoddie he was wearing was rather itchy and the hood on his head made him feel pretty warm, but he wasn’t going to give up his disguise just yet, with hundreds of people at the airport with him. He saw one of his body guards standing a couple yards away, gazing around and watching the people that walked by. He had talked his management into letting him go to Paris without any guards, but they insisted on watching him up until he was sat in his airplane seat. Louis was fine with that, because if that meant he got an entire weekend with only his boyfriend by his side than that was a rather little price to pay.

And so Louis sat and waited, wiggling his thumbs and played around with his phone for another ten minutes. When Harry was running almost thirty minutes late Louis started getting seriously nervous, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. He shot his body guard a look, but really what did Louis expect him to do? After all he hadn’t been hired for his fortune teller qualities.

Louis got up and started pacing through the entrance hall slowly, the body guard following him subtly. Glancing down at his hands Louis pulled out his phone again, shooting his boyfriend yet another text, asking whether he got stuck in traffic or what was wrong. But just as he stowed away his phone and glanced back up he spotted Harry, walking through the entrance hall, Liam by his side.

“Hey.” Louis greeted as soon as the two got within hearing range. “I was getting worried you were going to ditch me.” He laughed, but he was the only one. Harry was looking down at his feet and Liam was glancing nervously from Harry to Louis, shooting them an apologetic look.

“Is- Is something wrong?” Louis asked, tilting his boyfriend’s jaw up lightly to look him in the eyes.

“I can’t-” Harry started letting his gaze drop to the floor again. Liam stepped back a little and tried to disappear as subtly as possible, but Louis couldn’t help but shoot him a confused look before turning his attention back towards Harry.

“What baby?” Louis wanted to know, stepping closer.

“I..” Harry started, stepping back and taking a deep breath before he spoke again. “I can’t go to Paris with you.” He finally said, looking Louis deep into the eyes – or as deep as he could with Louis wearing stupid sunglasses to cover up most of his face. The statement threw Louis off completely, his brows furrowing his confusion.

“You can’t go to Paris? I- Why?”

“Louis, I..”

Louis pulled the shades off his eyes to get a better look at his boyfriend as he tilted his jaw back up. Without the glasses Louis saw that Harry’s eyes were red and that he looked like he had been crying.

“Harry, baby, what is wrong? Did something happen? Why are you-?”

“Louis.”

Harry only stared at him and Louis had to keep himself from asking more panicked questions. Harry still had two arms and two legs, his head sat pretty securely on his neck, overall he looked fine. WHAT IS WRONG?, Louis was about to yell because Harry was just standing there, saying nothing.

“Please, Hazza.” He begged instead. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“Do you really wanna know though?” The other asked back, his voice sounding somewhat accusing.

“Of course I-”

“Because usually when I try to talk to you about my feelings you shut me out.” Harry had very suddenly found his voice back, speaking loudly know, his voice strong. “You shut me out and you won’t talk about it. You either hang up or change the topic or say something so utterly stupid that I sometimes question your mental age. But then I remember: Oh yeah, that’s how Louis does it. We don’t talk about it, we just forget it.” Louis glanced around nervously. This was embarrassing enough as it was, he really didn’t need anybody recognizing him when he was being yelled at in the middle of an airport. The fact that his body guard kept scooting closer and closer didn’t help it much though and he tried to focus back on Harry for now.

“We never once talked about how we both felt after we had had sex together!” And okay, people were definitely staring now. “You never once so much as mentioned it and it’s impossible to start a conversation about it with you. You shut me out! And you know what? That’s fine with me. Go to Paris by yourself! See what it’s like to be shut out for once.”

“Harry.” Louis begged as soon as the taller boy had stopped ranting. “Please, calm down.”

“Don’t tell me calm down, I-”

“Harry!” If Harry could yell, Louis could do that too. “Will you fucking listen to me? Don’t make this about me, don’t make this my fault! I don’t like talking about my feelings, yeah, there you go, I said it. It’s the truth. But don’t blame me, because you never once asked me to, you always just accepted that we didn’t so how am I supposed to know that you wanted to talk about you feelings?”

“Who doesn’t want that?”

“Me, Harry. I don’t wanna talk about it. I can’t. I’m horrible at it.”

“Seems like you can yell about them pretty well.” Harry snapped, crossing his arms in front of his chest. They were both quiet for a moment, gazing at each other and Louis felt the anger leave his body and sadness filling him suddenly.

“Listen, Harry, I.. Please come to Paris with me. I- I love you, I wanna sort this out.”

“I, Louis- No.”

“But please.” Louis was begging, but he didn’t care. “Don’t let this be the end. If you want to talk, we can. I’m not promising I’ll be good at it, but I can try. Just.. please.”

“I think I’ve heard you talk enough, I-”

“Harry, no. No, you can’t leave me like this. You can’t just.. please, don’t.”

Louis had his arms on Harry’s shoulders and held him tight, looking down at him intently, trying to force the words into him. Harry couldn’t just leave him like that. Not out of nowhere. Louis couldn’t cope with that. He wouldn’t cope, he knew that. He would just.. drown in a big black hole and never resurface.

“Harry, please. I beg of you, don’t leave me.”

Harry’s hand reached up to wipe some tears off of Louis’ cheek and it wasn’t until then that he realized that he was crying. The smile on Harry’s face was weak and crooked, displaying hurt as well as an unspoken apology.

“Come to Paris with me. Harry, I love you.” Louis tried again, stepping closer now, but Harry only stepped back.

“I’m sorry, Louis.” He shrugged Louis’ hands off his shoulders and took another step back. “I can’t.”

**Author's Note:**

> So, I hope this doesn’t make you hate me. Feedback? Comments?


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